i never read Nicholas Sparks's stories. i know that his books are fantastic and thoughtful, but someone always have to die in order to get a certain message across, and it never varies. one person will die, reminding us of the fragility of life, telling us how much people should appreciate life and grab what they want sometimes, especially when it comes to emotions. and i can never ever get past the fact that someone had to die in his book. i read two of his books, and i heard of the movie adapted after his book. i never watched it. i don't think i can get through watching it without crying. 

same reason why i never watched titanic, the notebook, ps i love you, why i regretted watching troy, and why i avoid these movies like the plague. i still remember the 'perfect storm'. it had been a good movie, of the bravery of the sailers and their fight for survival, until i discovered that they died in the fathomless sea. i didn't realise up till the end that it had been based on a true story, and when i realised, and when i saw the memorial plaque they set up for the dead, for the victims in that storm, it reminded me of why i hate movies adapted from real life stories, or from sad novels which are bitter-sweet but where someone will die. 

life is not all about happy endings i know. how could it be all about happy endings? people all have different mindsets. what i do, someone will not do. what one person dared not do, another will dare finish it. and what one lets go to their everlasting regret, someone else will grab onto it with both hands and know that even if they might regret this action, at least they had tried. 

i had lots of regrets when i was younger. now i try hard to do something however much i'm afraid, because i want to know the feeling of doing it, and i want to know that at the very least, i won't regret not doing it. because to me, that is the worst sort of regret. isn't it like that? trial and error, one of the most challenging maths chapters, or messy chapters we had to do in primary school. 

i know i will still avoid movies where people had to die, i know i will avoid movies that make me cry, and i know i will try to avoid movies based on sad real life stories, because it means someone is suffering. 

i've been too sheltered in my life. but yet, i've withstood the pain of losing friends to maliciousness and backstabbing. an eye for an eye. it's justified sometimes. but do we really want to end up becoming the person we hate, or dislike? do we really want to end up doing what we had hated them to do to us? do we?

i believe in karma though. i've always believed in it. that's why i never step beyond a certain boundary that i set myself. i'm too afraid that if the same thing happened to me, i will know and i will suffer. 

i believe in forgive but never forget as well. i told a friend once. it's enough giving someone i dislike a portion of my memories, but damned if i will give them a place in my heart as well. one is enough, and i rather it be the part where i can put the memory at the back of my head. because really? what is the point of never forgiving? it just means bitterness. and once you forget why you didn't forgive the person, then isn't it stupid? won't the hate seemed unjustified then? i know it will seem like that to me. and i will only allow in my heart what's precious to me. never ever will i allow undeserving stuff there. 

back to my point. stories with happy endings always end up with the bad guys rolling around in the dust anyway. they rarely deserve better, because they thrive on pain and suffering. but sometimes, i wonder, are people truly like that? do they really thrive on pain and suffering, or is it something they do for a reason that no one will ever find out? 

i will go for the latter. but i don't want to bother too much about these people. i have been nice to the extent when i have seemed weak. and i hate myself for it sometimes. an anger behind a smile. it might seemed hard and bitter. but it is nevertheless true of certain people. 

i won't say more. but i seem to have digressed from my original topic again. 

oh well, so long as the gist is there.

3x3eunt.